


wiped out

by darkmx



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Depressed Kihyun, big trigger warning, we're going down streaks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-07-23 17:56:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16163957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkmx/pseuds/darkmx
Summary: Kihyun isn't Kihyun anymore.





	wiped out

The feeling of disgust in your own skin. Feeling so bad and anxious you want to claw at yourself, bang your body up, throw yourself into walls. Hating your existence so much that you rather die than live to see another day. Kihyun knew these feelings all too well.

He calls it his really bad days, except every day his a really bad day. Kihyun has loving friends, but he feels so low that none of it matters; he describes it as a trapped feeling. He feels trapped in his own mind. How do you explain that you want to hurt yourself because the feeling of your skin touching makes you spazz. People are going to think he is weird or crazy. Sometimes he feels that way. Kihyun feels this way when he realizes he exists, when he takes a second and notices his thoughts and emotions. it all becomes too much, he feels like he has to do something, anything to make it stop.

 

Laying in his bed when he has things to do is a regular occurrence for Kihyun. He knows he has things to do but he doesn't care. He wants to be happy, he knows it'll get better but right now, right now he feels horrible. Every morning he cries because his thoughts become too much, he spends his days in a daze, face pale, dark undereyes, emotionless expression. He isnt himself anymore, his friends and family know he isn't okay but they cant do much, Kihyun admits he wishes they were able to do more but he knows it isn't their fault, some things you just cant help with. He wonders where he went wrong, or where **it** went wrong. Kihyun used to be so out going and social, loved making friends and being the center of attention, enjoying life, seeing the positive side of a bad situation. Now it's the exact opposite.

 

He knows his sadness has ruined friendships and potential relationships. Being constantly sad isnt really the best to be around, Kihyun understands that.

Sometimes he's happy, he enjoys those moments, he loves it.

 

Today was a really bad day, he can't focus, everything is caving in on him. He can't breathe, he feels completely numb.

"You're okay." he repeats to himself, rubbing his shoulder, trying to do anything he can to let himself know he will be fine.

His panic attacks make him feel as if he's dying, not being able to breathe, tightness of chest, unable to move, it scares him. These happen every night like clock work.

 

Climbing into bed, he continues to panic, nothing being able to calm him down, he has to let it pass.

 

He hopes one day he finds himself again, the person who doesn't disappoint people, the person who isn't suicidal everyday, the person who belongs in this body he doesn't want to call his own.

 

This isn't him, where did Kihyun go?


End file.
